Why is everything screwing up?

Today is quite a good day.

Woke up feeling aimless haha. Rolled around in bed at 8am until I fell asleep again. The next time I woke up was at 11.35am when my bro came to borrow money from me. Then I went to the living room to sit on the nice chair thinking about stuff for half an hour. Then I plopped on my living room floor with the pillow on the sofa and I fell asleep again (: Heh heh, the next time I woke up was at 2.35pm.

I was feeling very nyeh (BBF's word) because I had nothing to do!!!! Actually I can go and have a colouring competition with myself. Or I could have started doing decol notes. Or I could have went for CCAL conference (oops?) but I just didn't feel like doing any. So I just lay around feeling bored, aimless and frustrated.

Then I had no food!!!! Didn't feel like eating instant noodles. Didn't feel like ordering also, have been ordering food like for many days already, don't feel like eating fast food anymore.

So I continued lying around.

Then, I thought of a brilliant idea.

Hehe, so I decided to cook spaghetti for myself!!!!

Before cooking spaghetti, I had to clean up the stuff in the sink that nobody cleans since my mum is not at home. So I ended up cleaning the whole house. And talking to jessling on the phone at the same time because the lazy girl who was supposed to be studying for promos didn't feel like studying.

So, I had a clean house. Nice spaghetti. And I went to Taka with jess to get her lit book. At Taka, I had/bought a lot of nice food!!!! Hehehehehe, and I bought a nice notebook also, and nice rubber bands. Now I'm home with apple juice in the fridge (which is damn awesome because my fridge usually has nothing) and Ribena sweet :D

Hehehehe, and I'm wearing a pink top so that makes things awesome too :)

Honestly not looking forward to start doing council stuff/checking yahoogroups again. Need to quit piano but I can't bring myself to do it. (Lazy)

For now, I should just look forward to painting my room. And doing history notes for BBF.

I want a nice alarm clock.
I want new clothes.
I want to go to Daisol.
I want to watch a movie.

I can't camwhore because my camera is with my mum in Belgium/London sobs.
(I thought London was Paris or Paris was in London or something along those lines, my dad thought I was stupid.)

You are like a wish come true.

Awesome songs make me happy.

Sitting at Raja block stoning, playing soccer (I'm freaking good) and running around wolverining makes me happy hehe.

I can feel the end of promos coming near :D



BBF, you know what we have is unshakeable. You know I'll always be here for you through everything. You know you can tell me anything, everything. You are the only person I'll say, "What will my life be without you?" to very surely, knowing that I mean every word I say. To me, you'll always be whole. I'm always on your side. Always.

I love my happy playlist.
I am going to dl more nice songs.
I love BBF.
I love you. (4 u .^^)



And though my edges may be rough,
I never feel I'm quite enough.
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours.

Why do I feel so numbed.

It don't matter.

Music, the convenient getaway.

You keep me going on.

Just wondering how you could live with that lie so comfortably.

I had, seriously, no clue.
I wasn't even on guard.
The thought didn't even come to mind.

Friends? Not at all, worse than strangers actually.

I thought I knew, now I know I was naive. So naive.

After thinking through, I don't regret. I did in the immediate period, but not anymore.

After you fall hard, you realize when you get back up that finally, you get to start anew. Finally you are not living in the lie that you thought was so real. Otherwise, you'd still be in the beautiful picture you painted for yourself, while the people around you who loved you so much could only stand out of the picture. Trying so hard to reach out to you, fighting for just a few minutes in your life. Wanting to tell you something, yet not wanting to burst your bubble.

You only truly learn with experience. 1 experience beats 100000000 words of advice/warning/whatever. But when someone who has been through more than you tells you something, open your mind, open your heart, and LISTEN. Really listen. You can second guess what they say, you can disagree, but at least listen.

Now, life is all good. It's all good.

Learnt so many things.

Learnt not to trust so easily. Learnt to live with my past. Learnt what true love really is. Realized I have so many people around me who loves me. Realized who my true friends are. Realized how good life can be and how much I've been losing out. Also realized I've been living in a lie for a long long time and am glad I'm out of it now.

Now, this is life.

I will fall again I know. Then it's gonna be even harder to get back up. That's how you grow stronger. Yet also how you grow more and more cynical. But ignorance is NOT bliss. Living in your bubble is not true happiness. True happiness, to me at least, is living in the real world, yet loving it. Falling, yet knowing that life always gives you another chance.

Now when I hear songs that go "I can't live without you" or whatever crap like that, I just think "... bullshit much?"

 

Back up, with so much more to learn and so many more times to fall.

A part of me will always be struggling. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I didn't do so many things.

Wishing you didn't do things, is so much worse than wishing you did something right. Yeah I think it is.

I want forgiveness, but I don't say a word because of fear of rejection. So, I'm just stuck here. Not willing to take the risk. I will never get rejected, I will never be forgiven. But just stuck in the middle. I'll just have to live with it.

Realized they were all right.

Things are never that beautiful, reality hits you. It really does.

(Still think my life is damn good though. I have people around me who will understand. My family, BBF, people I can really tell EVERYTHING to and know they will always be on my side)

People are really scary.

"Take one step at a time. It's like learning to fly, or falling in love."

Find someone worth the wait. Find someone who will wait for you. It hurts definitely to find out that the person you think will wait for you rejects you and finds someone else when you say "I think it's too early, will you wait for me?" But hurting at the start, is much better than hurting later on when time spent together has become one of the factors tearing you apart.

Life changing.

In a bad and really ugly way unfortunately. I should've seen the signs. I really should've.

I only have myself to blame. Although I always say I hate people who are weak, I am the one who is truly weak inside. Which is why I hate it so much I guess.

I realize that so many people close to me saw the signs. I just wish they told me : /

 

For once in my life (and truly once), I regret.

Home feels bare without my parents.

All I did this weekend was to finish my Lit assignment. Which is not too bad. Because I got to spend some time with friends as well 

I hate BBF by the way, she likes to stand up on our dates. This is official hate declaration. Stop standing up on our study dates ah!!!!! Meet up soon, muacks.

Eh my Lit WH assignment 8 pages omgzz, is that a bit long? I don't know why so long.

I think CTs wasn't such a bad idea after all, because I feel so much more motivated to study right now. But I still think students should be banned from going to school during holidays. I mean, that's the only way they can help us get a life or something outside school right. What we have right now, is not what I would call a 'healthy balance'. What do you think?

I wish I could eat dim sum in Hong Kong omgz. And all the desserts. But it would make me fat >: ( Need to lose weight fast, before 6th August comes. Ha ha. Shall continue doing my morning exercises.

Oh that day I couldn't do my exercise because I had to finish up GP groupwork (which I was too tired to finish in the night). From that, I concluded that not only is school depriving us of our lives, it is depriving us of our health. Firstly, we sleep too late because we're trying to finish our homework (even if we watched a bit of TV or did a bit of irrevelant stuff, it still isn't our fault because we are trying to strike a balance for goodness sake). Secondly, we have to wake up so damn early that nobody bothers waking up any earlier to eat breakfast, which is the most important meal of the day right? So you choose between eating breakfast and sleeping too little, or sleeping a little bit more and skipping breakfast, either ways, it's unhealthy. Then, you sleep in class, or try very hard to stay awake then go home and sleep after school. Then wake up realizing that it is very late and you haven't done your homework, so you sleep late to finish your homework. Here goes, the vicious cycle, for about 4 years (Sec 3 - J2) or more (for those who are more hardworking). So technically, if we want to make up for the lack of sleep in these 4 years, we need to sleep like what, 12 years? An alternative is to not care about your studies and get screwed by teachers, then get bad grades and get neglected and left behind in our extremely efficient society. Both ways, it sucks.

So the easiest and most feasible thing they can do right now, is not to cancel exams or whatever, but just do us a favour of stopping all school activities during the school holidays. I mean, most people don't exactly like going back to school during the school holidays right? (With the exception of people who accepted school as their life) So instead of dumping the dilemma of whether to follow our hearts or our responsibilities during the school holidays regarding going back to school for stuff, why not just give us a life for once. Exams right after holidays are good enough motivation to make us study.

Make going back to school during school holidays illegal. Consequences of not adhering to the law would be that for every day that a student goes back to school during the holidays, he/she will have to skip school during non-holiday days so that he/she will learn to get a life.